Alhamdulillah wa salatu wa salam ala rasulullah (SAW) amma ba'd... Assalamualikum
We tend to backbite these days and pretend its normal and its okay to do so. The sad part is that we think people backbite against whom they envy/hate but more often people backbite against people who are close to them. For example, wife backbiting about her husband to her friend/neighbour, a friend backbiting about his/her friend to a third person, etc.
People backbite without realizing how much it harms their relationship with their family, society and Allah. Yes, Allah. Let me explain it to you. Backbiting is a major sin as Allah states in the Quran: "O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful."[Hujurat 49:12]. Allah strictly forbids it. It will directly affect the iman of the doer and will destroy his relationship with Allah (unless he repents). Let me explain the Ayah a little further. Is eating the meat of your sibling Halal? No, its a great sin. What about dead meat? That's a sin too. So Allah (SWT) emphasizes that we actually commit a double sin when we backbite/gossip.
Some of the excuses that people give to backbite:
1, I can say it on their face
2. Its not backbiting. Its the truth. [Yes, in that case it's not backbiting but rather slandering as Prophet Muhammad said :"Do you know what backbiting is?" They said, "God and His Messenger know best." He then said, "It is to say something about your brother that he would dislike." Someone asked him, "But what if what I say is true?" The Messenger of God said, "If what you say about him is true, you are backbiting him, but if it is not true then you have slandered him." (Muslim)]
3. Everyone knows it already
These are some of the common excuses. There can be many other excuses. But all of these are just excuses. There are no real reason as to why a person backbites/ has to backbite. If one backbites, it shows how low their iman is and that all they do is look into people's life and find faults.
There are no general steps for it. It depends on personal ability and reasons. But here are few steps:
1. Make the intention to stop this sin for the sake of Allah.
2. Stop digging into people's affairs.
3. Realize your own mistakes so you have less time for looking into others.
4. Fear Allah and His Punishment.
These days, not a day goes by that we dont backbite. But its high time we let go of this habit. And dont JUST let go if you have already backbited. Ask Allah for forgiveness as well as the person whom you backbited against as is stated in a Hadith: The Prophet (SAW) once gave counsel to Abu Dharr (RA) , saying: “O Abu Dharr! Beware of backbiting, for backbiting is graver than adultery (zina).” Abu Dharr (RA) said: “Why is that so, O Messenger of Allah?” He (SAW) replied: “That is because when a man commits adultery and then repents to God, God accepts his repentance. However, backbiting is not forgiven until forgiven by its victim.” [Al-Hurr al-`Amili, Wasai'l al-Shi`ah, vol. 8, hadith no. 18312].
But if you think that if you ask the person for forgiveness, it will cause more harm than good, then there is no requirement to tell them. Just ask Allah sincerely to forgive you and refrain from it in the future.
I would like to take this opportunity to ask forgiveness from all those whom I backbited against.
Iam sorry. I was ignorant. Please forgive me. May Allah give you good in this world and in Hereafter. Ameen.
If I made any mistakes, it was from Shaytan and my own mistakes. If anything you find is useful, is from Allah as He guides whom He wills.
JazakAllahu Khairan. BarakAllah Fekkum and Salam...